Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
false alarm, still single
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
