OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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