i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
