I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
