Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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