Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
