Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
