he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
