:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
