How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
