you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
