I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
