I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
