I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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