I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
