East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
