and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
