: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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