just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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