On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
