I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
