This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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