Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
