I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
