It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
