pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
