Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
