I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
