Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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