The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
