I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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