youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
