Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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