saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
