Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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