and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How does it feel to date your dad?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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