he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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