I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
