i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
