I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i dont even know how to be here
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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