But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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