you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
