I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
