He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
