before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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