how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
