Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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