I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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