evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
