you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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