oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
