Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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