explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just want nice things and good sex
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
