what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
this is an emotional support booty call
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
