I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
