There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
